Here I am, after desperately seeking a medium to vent out my anger and the craving to be heard by someone. No, I don’t wish to be judged and yes, I would like my thoughts to get acknowledged. So to anyone out there willing to hear me out, here it goes-
To the friends who never gave me first preference but who were always my first preference. Who were never there for me when I was laying on the bed crying, needing someone to share my thoughts with. To those who always have an excuse ready for not bein there. Who take me for granted because I’m always there for them. Who keep venting out to me but never ask me how I am doing. Who never kept contact coz they got another happening group. Who always remember me when they need something from me. Who always act like being a friend but their actions speak otherwise. Who secretly enjoy watching me unhappy. Who are jealous of my accomplishments but behave like they’re my well wishers. Who keep letting me down.
To my sister who never understood I was going through depression and forbid me to go to a psychiatrist. Who always gets all the attention. Who acts like I’m the most important person for her but always gives priority to her friends/cousins. Who never tried to understand me as I am and who always wanted to control my life. Who was so protective about me to the point that it became suffocating for me. Who thinks I’m wrong coz I don’t do things her way. Who is so narrow minded that i have stopped sharing my thoughts with her. Who is such an ideal daughter/sister/cousin that nobody in my family notices me anymore. Who vents out her anger on me and is extra sweet with the others. Who wants me to do everything her way.
To my parents for ignoring me all the time and giving importance to my sister. To my parents who want me to be like my ideal sister.To my cousins who never got how much I value them and who also ignored me all these years and gave all the attention to my ideal sister. To my family who wants me to be less lazy as I’m supposed to do household chores after marriage.
To the boy I had feelings for who never reciprocated and took me for granted. Who manipulated my thoughts and led me to believe it was my fault every fucking time. Who never valued my feelings. Who was there for me when it was convenient for him. Who never cared if I went to sleep crying coz of him. Who never thought twice before saying something hurtful in the name of honesty. Who never cared enough. Who never realized his fault and how much he hurt me. Who never acknowledged the times I was there for him. Who will never realize just how much I liked him and those small things that I did for him. And to me, for falling for such an asshole.
To my crush who spoke to me but started hitting on my friend coz she was better looking. To the hypocrite boys who say they value inside beauty but still end up stalking and hitting on those perfect looking girls. To the perfect looking girls who have it all and who never miss an opportunity to make fun of others like me. To the girls who never intend to date some guy but still keep flirting with them, so they can flaunt how many proposals they got. To the boys who never learn their lesson and keep hitting on those smoothly talking girls, and keep ignoring ordinary looking girls. To the boys who know how to manipulate dumb innocent girls and waste their time only to ditch them later for some better looking girl.
To facebook and instagram for creating the need to look our best each time we step out of our house. For creating the vague virtual sense of self worth by the number of likes. To all kinds of social media for creating misunderstanding and distance, and for creating the habit of being in touch but never actually conversing.
To the companies who don’t want female employees as they may get married soon. To the companies who pay more to their male employees. To the pervert colleagues who keep on staring at any and every girl at office. To the office politics which gives promotion to employees based on their rapport with seniors.
To the society for creating the impression that girls have to be pretty and do household chores. To the irritating relatives who keep on asking what I’m upto professionally. To the society which values money over everything else. To the stupid advertisements which show ideal girls to be pretty and slim, with or without a brain. To the boys who play with dumb ordinary girls’ feelings and don’t even realize their fault. To the girls who find their worth in such boys, knowing fully well they are better off alone. To the thinking that girls are insufficient on their own, without a spouse or child. That girls should get married by 24. That girls are a liability. That intercaste marriage is a sin. That girls shouldn’t work after marriage. That girls should not voice their opinion. That girls should go for a field which is appropriate for them to work in.
To all them- FUCK OFF!! That’s all I have to say. Just fuck off.